One of the most stressful things as a mom is making sure your kids are eating ‘properly’. When I was pregnant with my son, I had all these grandiose ideas about what and how I would feed him. As it turns out, my grand plan has foiled on many fronts. I don’t want to repeat the same for my baby girl, so I wanted to reiterate some of my misconceptions and what I think I did successfully and what I failed at and some thoughts on things I can change moving forward. For this blog, I’m only going to focus on breastfeeding because that is a topic all in itself. Future blogs will include things about eating organically, snacking philosophies, etc.
Misconceptions:
1) I will read lots and lots about breastfeeding so I know what I’m doing when the time comes. I read a few books and lots of internet articles, blogs, etc. and took a class at the hospital. A few of the readings were written by “breastfeeding nazi’s” who scared the living daylights out of me on many fronts:
a. If you don’t breast feed or breast feed long enough, your baby will be sick all the time or prone to disease. What I learned: Statistically speaking, this may be true, and of course, we all want the best for our babies. But, sometimes it just doesn’t work out the way you want it to. Don’t let this statistical statement make you feel like a horrible and guilty mom because you were unable to do this for any reason at all. You will have plenty of other things to feel horrible and guilty about.
b. Don’t give your baby a bottle for a long time if ever because it will cause nipple confusion. What I learned: I suppose every baby is different. It seemed like forever, but my son was 3 weeks old when I finally gave him a bottle of breast milk. I never felt so happy and free (We were at a friend’s football party and my husband took care of my son the whole time!!). And guess what? My son had no problem going from bottle to breast to finger to whatever you stuck in his mouth.
c. Don’t use a breast shield for the same reason – nipple confusion. What I learned: If I had not used a nipple shield, I strongly believe I never would have breast fed past the first week. My son was born at 6 lb 12 oz. A week later he was 6 lbs. He had lost too much weight as we were struggling with the breastfeeding (I didn’t realize my nipples were flat). I just happened to try a nipple shield that was in a pile of breastfeeding stuff my friend gave me after unsuccessfully trying to breast feed. It worked!!! He was eating and he started gaining weight. We used it up until about 4-5 weeks. He had no problem transitioning back to the bare breast. NOTES: You’ll get tired of having to have one available and clean and they can often get misplaced and need re-adjusting. This can make trying to breastfeed discreetly a huge challenge because you’re constantly looking to make sure it’s on right and stays there.
d. Don’t supplement with formula (you need to feed your baby when and how much he want to keep up the supply with the demand). What I learned: Supplement as you see fit. At 3 months, I slowly introduced formula. He never seemed to mind going between formula and breast milk. However, it did take some time and experimentation with different formulas to find an organic one that he seemed to like. I wouldn’t have a problem this time around supplementing way earlier, especially on those challenging days when it felt like that’s all I did was feed the baby. Sometimes the need mental and physical relief outweighs the need to boost your supply (you can try to do some additional pumping if needed).
e. Don’t give your baby a pacifier – again with the nipple confusion. What I learned: Until I see it, I’m not so sure I’m a believer in the whole nipple confusion thing. Anyway, we tried to give my son a pacifier early on and he would initially take it occasionally, but really wasn’t that interested and stopped having interest in it by the time he was probably 2 months old. He’s never taken one since and I am eternally grateful, but I wouldn’t advise anyone not to give a pacifier if it actually worked in pacifying. As an exhausted mommy, we often do whatever it takes.
Tip: Get a basic breastfeeding book from the library (I found the Breastfeeding for Dummies very helpful after I started). Take a basic course from the hospital while you’re there and just use the book as reference if you’re having challenges. Don’t read too much…people treat this topic like they treat the issue of abortion…you have people way on one side and way on the other side. Just try to use your best judgment and intuition (yes, even if you’re a first-time mom).
2) I will breast feed my baby for 6 months. I exclusively breast fed for 3 months (first bottle of breast milk was at 3 weeks because I feared nipple confusion)
Tip: Try not to set yourself up for failure by creating goals like this when you don’t know exactly what you’re getting yourself into. It’s OK to have this as a tentative plan, and a nice-to-have goal, but your situation may not lend itself to meeting this kind of goal.
3) Breastfeeding is natural and while perhaps not without some challenges, it should be relatively easy. It can be for some. Some friends that breast fed seemed to have a pretty easy time with it. I wrongly thought my experience would be similar. I had the challenge of having flat or almost-flat nipples and my baby had problems latching on. Plus, he had trouble burping.
4) The hospital will make sure I’ve got this breastfeeding thing down before I leave. I selected a hospital that boasted immensely about their lactation program and how wonderful it was. I had to beg for a consultant who finally came in late the evening before I was supposed to check out. I did not feel confident after the one consultation. While we did get him to latch on and feed a little bit, it was a challenge and I wasn’t sure I could do it myself. I wanted to make sure I tried myself a couple of times and had it before leaving, but given that they didn’t send anyone in until so close to my checkout, the timing didn’t allow for that. Also, I didn’t realize the medicine from the circumcision would make my baby so drowsy that he didn’t feel like eating.
5) The nurses will wake me every 2-3 hours to feed my baby when I have him in the nursery. I fell asleep around 11pm the evening I delivered my son and woke up at 5am in a panic that they never came to get me. They said ‘he never woke up or cried’. I thought you were supposed to TRY to wake them if they didn’t get up on their own. I don’t know about this one…I’m looking into it.
6) Babies don’t need burped as much when they breastfeed. I falsely made this assumption based on some things I read and realized later I often was mistaking what I thought was rooting for the need to burp. It also explains why he would often fall asleep on the breast, but the moment I laid him down, he was crying.
7) It’s easy to burp a baby…just pat them on the back. Oh I only wish. My son hated burping and would often cry after a burp until he realized he felt better with it out. Once I realized how often he really needed burped, it was hard getting those suckers out sometimes. I did things like trying different burping positions and walk up and down the stairs with him.
8) A feeding should take 10 minutes per side. Every feeding with Ian was about 45 minutes (unless I gave him a bottle, which he would suck down fairly quickly). I was exhausted! My pediatrician told me at some point that he was using me as a pacifier, but my gut feel was that I didn’t think so. I let him feed as long as he wanted (but I did notice if I burped him a couple of times, it went faster).
