Feeding baby – one moms triumphs and failures; Blog 1: Breastfeeding

One of the most stressful things as a mom is making sure your kids are eating ‘properly’. When I was pregnant with my son, I had all these grandiose ideas about what and how I would feed him. As it turns out, my grand plan has foiled on many fronts. I don’t want to repeat the same for my baby girl, so I wanted to reiterate some of my misconceptions and what I think I did successfully and what I failed at and some thoughts on things I can change moving forward. For this blog, I’m only going to focus on breastfeeding because that is a topic all in itself. Future blogs will include things about eating organically, snacking philosophies, etc.

Misconceptions:

1) I will read lots and lots about breastfeeding so I know what I’m doing when the time comes. I read a few books and lots of internet articles, blogs, etc. and took a class at the hospital. A few of the readings were written by “breastfeeding nazi’s” who scared the living daylights out of me on many fronts:
a. If you don’t breast feed or breast feed long enough, your baby will be sick all the time or prone to disease. What I learned: Statistically speaking, this may be true, and of course, we all want the best for our babies. But, sometimes it just doesn’t work out the way you want it to. Don’t let this statistical statement make you feel like a horrible and guilty mom because you were unable to do this for any reason at all. You will have plenty of other things to feel horrible and guilty about.
b. Don’t give your baby a bottle for a long time if ever because it will cause nipple confusion. What I learned: I suppose every baby is different. It seemed like forever, but my son was 3 weeks old when I finally gave him a bottle of breast milk. I never felt so happy and free (We were at a friend’s football party and my husband took care of my son the whole time!!). And guess what? My son had no problem going from bottle to breast to finger to whatever you stuck in his mouth.
c. Don’t use a breast shield for the same reason – nipple confusion. What I learned: If I had not used a nipple shield, I strongly believe I never would have breast fed past the first week. My son was born at 6 lb 12 oz. A week later he was 6 lbs. He had lost too much weight as we were struggling with the breastfeeding (I didn’t realize my nipples were flat). I just happened to try a nipple shield that was in a pile of breastfeeding stuff my friend gave me after unsuccessfully trying to breast feed. It worked!!! He was eating and he started gaining weight. We used it up until about 4-5 weeks. He had no problem transitioning back to the bare breast. NOTES: You’ll get tired of having to have one available and clean and they can often get misplaced and need re-adjusting. This can make trying to breastfeed discreetly a huge challenge because you’re constantly looking to make sure it’s on right and stays there.
d. Don’t supplement with formula (you need to feed your baby when and how much he want to keep up the supply with the demand). What I learned: Supplement as you see fit. At 3 months, I slowly introduced formula. He never seemed to mind going between formula and breast milk. However, it did take some time and experimentation with different formulas to find an organic one that he seemed to like. I wouldn’t have a problem this time around supplementing way earlier, especially on those challenging days when it felt like that’s all I did was feed the baby. Sometimes the need mental and physical relief outweighs the need to boost your supply (you can try to do some additional pumping if needed).
e. Don’t give your baby a pacifier – again with the nipple confusion. What I learned: Until I see it, I’m not so sure I’m a believer in the whole nipple confusion thing. Anyway, we tried to give my son a pacifier early on and he would initially take it occasionally, but really wasn’t that interested and stopped having interest in it by the time he was probably 2 months old. He’s never taken one since and I am eternally grateful, but I wouldn’t advise anyone not to give a pacifier if it actually worked in pacifying. As an exhausted mommy, we often do whatever it takes.
Tip: Get a basic breastfeeding book from the library (I found the Breastfeeding for Dummies very helpful after I started). Take a basic course from the hospital while you’re there and just use the book as reference if you’re having challenges. Don’t read too much…people treat this topic like they treat the issue of abortion…you have people way on one side and way on the other side. Just try to use your best judgment and intuition (yes, even if you’re a first-time mom).

2) I will breast feed my baby for 6 months. I exclusively breast fed for 3 months (first bottle of breast milk was at 3 weeks because I feared nipple confusion)
Tip: Try not to set yourself up for failure by creating goals like this when you don’t know exactly what you’re getting yourself into. It’s OK to have this as a tentative plan, and a nice-to-have goal, but your situation may not lend itself to meeting this kind of goal.

3) Breastfeeding is natural and while perhaps not without some challenges, it should be relatively easy. It can be for some. Some friends that breast fed seemed to have a pretty easy time with it. I wrongly thought my experience would be similar. I had the challenge of having flat or almost-flat nipples and my baby had problems latching on. Plus, he had trouble burping.
4) The hospital will make sure I’ve got this breastfeeding thing down before I leave. I selected a hospital that boasted immensely about their lactation program and how wonderful it was. I had to beg for a consultant who finally came in late the evening before I was supposed to check out. I did not feel confident after the one consultation. While we did get him to latch on and feed a little bit, it was a challenge and I wasn’t sure I could do it myself. I wanted to make sure I tried myself a couple of times and had it before leaving, but given that they didn’t send anyone in until so close to my checkout, the timing didn’t allow for that. Also, I didn’t realize the medicine from the circumcision would make my baby so drowsy that he didn’t feel like eating.
5) The nurses will wake me every 2-3 hours to feed my baby when I have him in the nursery. I fell asleep around 11pm the evening I delivered my son and woke up at 5am in a panic that they never came to get me. They said ‘he never woke up or cried’. I thought you were supposed to TRY to wake them if they didn’t get up on their own. I don’t know about this one…I’m looking into it.
6) Babies don’t need burped as much when they breastfeed. I falsely made this assumption based on some things I read and realized later I often was mistaking what I thought was rooting for the need to burp. It also explains why he would often fall asleep on the breast, but the moment I laid him down, he was crying.
7) It’s easy to burp a baby…just pat them on the back. Oh I only wish. My son hated burping and would often cry after a burp until he realized he felt better with it out. Once I realized how often he really needed burped, it was hard getting those suckers out sometimes. I did things like trying different burping positions and walk up and down the stairs with him.
8) A feeding should take 10 minutes per side. Every feeding with Ian was about 45 minutes (unless I gave him a bottle, which he would suck down fairly quickly). I was exhausted! My pediatrician told me at some point that he was using me as a pacifier, but my gut feel was that I didn’t think so. I let him feed as long as he wanted (but I did notice if I burped him a couple of times, it went faster).

Renewed blog

WOW it has been almost a year since I wrote in this blog. A lot has happened since my last entry. Only a few weeks after I wrote that one last year, I found out I was pregnant. It must have been the make-up sex we had after that separation discussion (honestly, the ONE and ONLY time we didn’t use protection – I guess it only takes once). Then, in December I had a miscarriage. Shortly after I was pregnant again (this one is a mystery…we were being VERY careful) and now I’m due in just a few weeks.

The quick update is:

I still think about leaving my husband occasionally, but the fact that he is an incredible father when he’s around always makes me reconsider. Plus, I have rediscovered that part of me that still loves him.

My son is 2!!! I can’t believe it!! I LOVE this age! It has its share of challenges, but I love it because I feel like we are really building a 2-way relationship and a very special bond between us. He makes me laugh and brightens every day.

I finally switched my son’s daycare in July and he’s SO much happier…I could write a whole blog on my daycare experiences!

Things are crazier than ever. Hubby is still in law school, working 32 hours a week (they cut back his hours in March) and trying to finish our basement. I’m trying to take care of most things with my son and work full time (I just got a new job, same company a couple weeks ago…my part time gig is up L) and trying to get ready for the new arrival. Plus, pregnancy is not good to me…it could be worse, but I suffer in many ways.

Needless to say, there is a lot on my mind and I think about this blog often. It has become LOW priority on the list, thus my blogging sabbatical. I have become a better manager of my time (I think)…this is something I have NEVER been good at. Somehow I think I can manage a blog or two a month, so here’s my first entry after a long break. Stay with me fellow mommies….keep me inspired.

Disappointing craft show

Being able to write my blog every day is an unreached aspiration of mine, but it seems that even once a week is even a stretch. Partly, I wonder where to begin. There are SO many topics I could address. Then, I was wondering if I should pick a weekly or monthly theme to write about. Then I was wondering if I should spend time researching a topic and really write something intelligent instead of just off the cuff. Then I was waiting for the ‘Eureka!’ when something really witty to enter my head. After all this, I still have nothing, so I vowed just to write and see what happens.
I am sitting at my first craft show today, which has been a total flop so far. There has been very little traffic coming through and some interest, no buyers. I don’t feel too bad though because I’ve talked to the other vendors and it seems most others are experiencing the same thing. I think it may be the venue. It’s a small show (25 vendors) at my friend’s church.
My favorite hobby is woodworking and I make holiday houses. I’ve made these in the past for Christmas gifts and thought I would try making them for a craft show. God bless my mother for watching my son for 3 weekends over the past couple of months while I made these.

Unfortunately I only sold 3 of the small houses and NONE of the big ones. It was a disappointing day. All the time and effort I spent...time I could have spent with my son. Well, I'm not giving up just yet. There are other shows I'm going to look into. I heard the school ones were some of the best. We also have a pretty big one at work, but I'm not sure about that one just yet (It's $40/table!)
Not too long after I had my son, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to do anything for myself ever again, like hobbies, working out, shopping, taking long hot baths, etc. I felt so tied to my baby for those first months…especially when breastfeeding. I knew my life as I knew it was over, and that was OK with me…I thought. I didn’t realize how much I missed doing stuff like this. Slowly, I’ve started to try to do more for myself…it’s harder than it sounds! Mommies...don’t forget about yourselves :)

Thank You Fellow Mom-Bloggers

I want to start off my blog on a positive note by thanking the fellow mom-bloggers that inspired me. Here are links to their blogs:
http://everythingmoms.blogspot.com/
http://www.stretchingabuckblog.com/
I always love reading these. It's almost like having a girls' night in cyberspace. I love to hear the challenges my friends face as being a mom - emotional, financial, whatever. It makes me know I'm not the only one and that these things can be overcome if we stick together, even if it's via our computers.
How did our moms ever do it?? How many times a day do you google a new rash or a cough, a recipe, sales ads and coupons? I do all the time. I can hardly imagine life without the Internet, so I decided to give in and become a part of it.
I hope someone else may find my blog interesting, funny or even inspiring, just as I have my friends' blogs. If I can accomplish this, that is icing on the cake for me :)
If you have links to other good mom blogs you'd like to share, please post here. I would love to see them.
Thank You!